Infertility QandA

I feel after three years of trying for another miracle everyone close or far from us never truely knows how to handle us or approach our pain.  Infertility is no fun. It just isn't. You could have no children or some children. In our case we have a child.  Our six year old takes a lot of the sting away and we feel so blessed to have her, but when she plays with her stuffed animals and pretends they are brothers and sisters, it becomes an inevitable thing.   Vita Alligood wrote an amazing article about Infertility Etiquette, I would recommend reading this article. By no means do I wish to take any of her words but only add.  Each person chooses to deal with infertility differently but hopefully this helps you approach a friend/relative who is struggling with infertility.


1. How do you know if your friend wants to talk about it or not?
Ask her. Sometimes talking about it is the best way to cope with it.  A friends said one time " Maybe nobody says anything because they don't want to make you sad."  Do not worry about that, in fact sometimes the hardest thing to struggle with is silence from others.  She will never forget about her infertility, and you showing you care will not ruin a day. Does this mean that every time you see her you need to ask? Of course not, It doesn't have to be the main topic of every conversation but do realize that it will always be on her heart.




2. Do women struggling with infertility hate/despise/don't want to be around a pregnant friend/relative?
Are.you.kidding.me?? This statement very much hurts to hear. If I hated/despised every close person to me that was pregnant, um I wouldn't have any friends. A ginormous chunk of friends have been pregnant while we have been dealing with infertility and the hardest part seems to be the "announcement" and the pregnancy, it's a a big reminder of what we are missing but would never want to down play any part of your happiness. Don't expect for her to stand up in excitement and scream but just be considerate of her feelings, as she should be of yours.



3. Do you ask a friend struggling with infertility to your baby shower?
Of course. Chances are even though your friend is struggling, she does not want to be excluded and wants to share your happiness about this baby.  Do let your friend know that if it is too much to come that you understand.  A few weeks after our second miscarriage I went to a sweet friend's shower. Although is was still a time I was struggling I wanted to show my support. The emotions were still fresh and it was hard but I wanted to be there for her like she had been with me.



4. It's been awhile since her miscarriage, shouldn't she be over it?
No. Everyone deals with it differently but the wounds always tend to be apart of you.  Infertility is like an old friend.  You might not hear from your friend for a few months but that shower invitation, announcement, facebook comment, and you hear from your old friend again. Try not to put a time limit on someones pain. When we miscarried, it was hard to think that we waited for so long, we had it, the baby was growing, forming from the two of us, and then all of the sudden it was gone. We lost what we had longed for. Allow your friends to grieve.


I don't say any of these things to make anyone feel guilty, but to bring the issue of infertility out for both sides.  I have been hearing of more and more that are struggling. Infertility or miscarriage can often be a lonely place to be but this verse gives hope.

Creating While Waiting....

A few weeks ago Bret was working late and after KK was asleep I went on to do my usual blog check-ups, seeing if any of my favorites had anything new I needed to know about.  I stumbled upon the coolest blog I have seen in a long time, Creating While Waiting.  I was hooked immediately, I didn't even know there were blogs for infertility and adoption.  I read every single post that night and continue to go back.  This young couple has been struggling with infertility but have made the decision to adopt.  They were just recently approved and our now waiting to be blessed with a baby.  Ahhh, it just gets me so excited for this couple. I don't even know them but I can relate to their call to be parents and want it so badly for them.

This was written by a family member today...

Dear Friends and Family,

As most all of you know, my sister Whitney and her husband Spencer have been officially approved to adopt! I think we would all agree that they are absolutely amazing people and will be absolutely amazing parents.

Mike and I had the idea to "sponsor" a media blitz for them. Would you all be willing to help us? The idea is to use all the personal/craft/food/media blogs, facebook profiles, or any other form of social media you may have to get their names and faces out there. We will be blitzing on Monday September 26.

I know that many of you have already added Whitney and Spencer's buttons to your blogs or shared about them on FB, and we want to take that one step further - so we are asking you to please share again on one specific day. This Monday, Mike and I will be posting on our facebooks throughout the day links to Spencer and Whitney's adoption blog, profile, and FB page. We will also be writing on our blog about Whitney and Spencer. We will then in turn ask the people who see those posts to share them with people they know through facebook or blogs. We want to create a chain reaction to lead people all over the country to their adoption profile.
There's no specific time of day or number of posts that we're asking for and you can all do it in your own way. You are welcome to simply copy and paste our blog post (I will be posting Monday morning), or share our FB links. We would just love it if everyone did what they felt would be helpful.

Here is the link to Spencer and Whitney's adoption profile:https://itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/26506714/ourMessage.jsf

And here is the link to their adoption blog:http://spencerandwhitneyadoption.blogspot.com/

Please feel free to forward this email to any other people you think might be interested. Thank you for supporting them and we are excited to all work together this Monday!
Love,
Mike and Shari Satko